Although most members of the MNW community already know this, I have moved to Oxford, England. It is a kick-ass town, loaded with history, well preserved architecture, and college girls. Earlier this evening, I went to a pub called, “Turf Tavern”. So what’s the big deal with that? It just so happens that this pub, 4′-6″ ceilings and all, is the site where the first and only President Clinton (let’s keep it that way), quote, “did not inhale.” The pub has dedicated a plaque to set the facts straight surrounding this issue. I encourage all my fellow Americans, and especially the members of the MNW community, to carefully read what some pub owner in England thinks about former President Clinton.
Monday Night Wings
Daggmu
One Response
Leave a CommentMar
24
I’m ready for summer, how ’bout you?
Ok, enough with the fucking snow already. Where the fuck is this global warming I’ve been hearing so much about? Not that I want to get into that debate, but I really wouldn’t mind a few degrees warmer right now. For fucks sake! It was 15 gaddamn degrees this morning! THE DAY AFTER EASTER. What the Fuck. I’m really starting to doubt that the ice will be off the lake before fucking memorial day. Oh well, at least there’s Monday Night Wings to make things better. I’ll take that over the balmy 50 degrees in NC right now (joe). I have tomorrow off and a new credit card.. fair warning to anyone who might be offended/angered tonight. See you at Wings.

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Feb
22
This is why I’m A Journalism Major
These two articles singlehandedly rivived my interest in Journalism a a possible career
“http://abcnews.go.com/Health/PictureOfHealth/story?id=4284299&page=1”
“http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Story?id=4086600&page=1”
p.s. i miss college

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Feb
20
Beutel On: Girlfriends @ Wings
Let me break it down for you on the topic of girls and Monday Night Wings. I’ll do my best to keep it simple with a brief question and answer forum for you to reference.
Here goes:
Can girls come to wings? NO.
What about just for a little bit? NO.
Come on, just once? NO.
Why not? Because it’s Wings.
But I like your friends, can I just pop in? NO.
Why? Because it’s Wings. Stop asking.
What are you hiding? Nothing. It’s Wings. Next topic.
Well what if we show up anyway? Do so at your own risk. I don’t recommend it.
Why? Because it’s Wings. What about this don’t you get?
Everything. What if we sit at a different table? NO. Don’t come.
Why not a different table? Because girlfriends have no place at Wings.
Why? Because it’s Wings. Not Wings and Girlfriends. Wings.
How mad would you be if we showed up? Mad…
Well, we’ll see if we show up won’t we? Don’t come.
Sometimes I don’t get you. Why do you have to be like this? I’m not like anything. Girls don’t go to wings.
But WHY? I’m leaving.
Where are you going? Wings. Talk to you tomorrow.
There you go ladies, that should just about cover it. Print it out and put it in your purse if you need a reminder.

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Feb
19
Blasphemy at Monday Night Wings
Monday, Feb 18 2008
An atrocity of epic proportions. Ryan Hopper skips wings, claiming that his dog is sick. Fair enough. But what he fails to mention is that he also called his girlfriend, picked her up, made her dinner, and uttered the words “Lets have our own Monday Night Wings here together.” Wrong. Sick and wrong. I don’t need to emphasize how many napkin agreements have been violated, but i’ll do so anyways.
- There will be no (nooo) girlfriends allowed at Monday Night Wings.
- Tardiness is unacceptable. Skipping wings without a valid excuse is even worse.
- Making any reference to having “our own Monday Night Wings” is shameful and disgusting, and no amount of knives and flags can represent an act of this nature.
An unprecedented punishment was in order. Hopper’s girlfriend (who had already returned home after the unspeakable act) was kidnapped in the van, Old School style. She was brought back to Wings as Hopper’s replacement, and participated in activities such as drinking Bloody Hoppers, doing the bang bang dance, and yelling at Cameron. She signed a napkin agreement detailing the atrocity, which reads as follows:
The group signed the napkin agreement into the articles of wings:
The girlfriend was then returned to Hopper’s house (field trip!) for the confrontation. Detailed allegations and evidence was laid out, and Hopper admitted to the charges.
Disgusting. Let this serve as a lesson to all who would skip wings for female companionship.

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Feb
19
Let’s Have Our Own… Shut the Fuck Up.
Hey kids. It’s Joey B live from Hickfuckville, North Carolina. In case you forgot (for fucking shame), I am one of the founders of Monday Night Wings.
It has come to my attention that some of you have lost focus of what MNW is. Some of you have taken Monday’s off to do Godknowswhat with your significant-exceptonmondays-others. Some of you have kept inconsistent and piss-poor hours on the weekly holiday. Both cardinal sins, mind you, but none takes a greater shit on the legacy than breaking off in a sad Schmoopy-Woopy attempt to found your own monday night wings.
“Let’s have our own monday night wings here.” – Ryan Hopper to girl.
What. The. Fuck.
The two offenses are deplorable already, but Hopper, seriously. What the fuck. You should be ashamed. Then stoned to death by big fucking rocks. You make me sick.
Shape up you fucks. Or the Gods of wing will become angry.

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Jan
30
Gasolina! Como le encanta la gasolina…
I was at a BP last week and someone spilled a ton of gasoline. The smell instantly made me think of the Cheetah. I found this to be quite strange, then I started singing that Gasolina song in my head. I am ready for summer.

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Jan
21
Monday Night Wings Etiquette – 101
Gentlemen –
I have been saddened by the recent lack of wings etiquette and a lack of respect for the guiding principles of MNW. Please take note of the following.
Eating
Buffalo Wings – Acceptable.
Monday night wings was founded on the eating of buffalo wings. Wings shall be described as either “Dry” or “Soupy”, and may be rated on a 1-10 scale, so long as the rating of 10 is never used. It is also commonplace to recall a previous batch of wings as a means of comparison.
Bowls of Popcorn – Acceptable.
Popcorn from the Sally’s machine is acceptable, so long as the following conditions are met:
-
Popcorn bowls must be dropped onto the table so that at least 1/3 of the popcorn spills onto the table.
-
Empty popcorn bowls should either be refilled or used as storage for wing bones. A Sally’s busser, also referred to as “Monday Night Wings” shall be forced to clean them up.
Bleu Cheese – Acceptable.
Blue cheese is used for wing dipping. It can be traded as a commodity in exchange for celery. Often a community “vat of bleu cheese” is ordered. Ranch is an acceptable substitute.
Barbeque / Teriyaki Wings – Inappropriate!
No. I don’t care how good they are. This is not a chinese food buffet. Flag.
Buffalo Chicken Sandwich / Anything that comes with a bun – Inappropriate!
@#$&^@(&$!! No. At least the BBQ wings are still referred to as “wings”. This one isn’t even close. No, you may not have a sandwich. If you want to start “Monday Night Sandwiches”, then please do so. Then kill yourself immediately thereafter.
Cobb Salad (Yes, someone actually did this) – Inappropriate!
&)(@&$@*(^%)(^@!%!!. The mother of all MNW atrocities. This was done once, and i sincerely hope it is never attempted again. Ever.
Drinks
Pitchers of Miller Lite – Acceptable.
The lifeblood of Monday Night Wings. Miller Lite should be ordered in pitcher form. The waitress shall be told to “keep them coming”. Ordering several pitchers at once is acceptable. No other beer shall be ordered. A “mistake” pitcher of a different vareity is also acceptable, as long as it is free of charge.
Monday Night Football Free Beer – Acceptable.
Free beer is served during the first quarter of Monday Night Football. The first cup should be “slammed” as a group. You may drink as many or as few as you want, provided that you drink at least one. Free beer may be served in several vareities, including but not limited to: Miller Lite, Premium, Honey Weiss, or some combination of beers. Skunky kegs should be reported to the management, who will quickly dismiss it by saying “its free – what are they complaining about”. Drinking only free beer, and leaving without tipping because you “didn’t really order anything” is STRICTLY PROHIBITED, and you are a douche for doing so.
Specialty Beer / Ordering Your Own Mug of Beer – Inappropriate!
You’re not impressing anyone. Anyone who uses the following excuses: “I don’t drink that piss beer”, “Its too watered down for me”, or “I’m kind of a beer snob”, as reason not to drink Miller Lite is an asshole, and should leave wings immediately. I don’t care about the brewery tour you went on while studying overseas, or how Fat Tire wasn’t available in Minnesota until recently, or what special blend of grains and spices were used to make your awful looking beer. Your emo friends may be impressed, but we are most certainly not. Flag.
Bloody Hopper – Acceptable. A bloody hopper is a stiff screwdriver with some strawberry shit mixed in with it. An after dinner drink of sorts. It gets you drunk.
This should cover the food and drink portion of MNW. Please learn it, review it, and hold it sacred.

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Nov
15
Greetings From Scotland
Imagine that you are in a land surrounded by millions of Groundskeeper Willies (GW). Make sure your vision includes mini-GWs. These, of course, would be the boys, girls, and women of the land. Now, try not to laugh whenever one of them talks to you. It’s impossible.
I am eagerly waiting for one these GWs to scream, “Bart Seempson! Wha ar ew dune? Ahhhh!” as GW spins around wildly with a garden hoe in hand.
Bang Bang!
-Geiser

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Oct
22
Bang
Bang!
Let us begin a gentlemen’s discussion regarding the above said word. Starting with is origins, embedded deep within the time-honored activity of “The Legend” dropping trou, shooting finger-guns from the hip, and repeatedly slurring “Bang Bang.” Part childhood friendly neighborhood game of War, and part western film featuring Clint Eastwood, it forces one to recall a better, simpler way of living.
“Bang Bang,” has rapidly become adopted by many of the Monday Night Wings (dot com) crew for its ease of use, versatility, and the overall ambiance that it can add to any conversation. There are many different variations on how one can use the word “bang,” including deviation of speed, tone, combinations, and hand gestures. We shall now examine five of common combinations, to better understand the power and greatness that is “Bang Bang.”
1. The Traditional “Bang Bang”
Here is where all the magic started ladies and gentlemen. While the traditional “Bang Bang” is the most commonly used variation, it is perhaps the most difficult to describe in terms of meaning and use. Typically, it follows a statement and is said with brevity to underline the prior statement. It can be used as a way to fill the silence usually followed when requesting service ranging from a pitcher of Miller Lite at Sally’s, a cigarette from Christianson, or hug from Cameron. When used, it usually just happens without second thought
2. Machine-gun Bang
Rapid successive mantra of “Bang Bang” usually occurs once an individual is well on their way to be intoxicated, and has no regard for what others in their midst may think of them. Used to demonstrate ones drunkenness to sober individuals, it does not stop on request, and commonly creates an awkward physical interaction between the Banger and the Bangee.
3. Exclamation Bang
Best suited for use after an outrageous comment or story, it solidifies the greatness of what was previously stated. It knows no boundaries in social settings, and can cause confusion, startledness, and excessive staring by others not included in the conversation.
4. Text-Message Bang
There can be many meanings of a text message “Bang.” Ones understanding of the context of the said “Bang” is crucial to its meaning. First, when used in the beginning of a text message exchange between two individuals it commonly signifies, “Hey dude, just wondering what you are up to.” However, why would anyone in good taste actually text “Hey dude, just wondering what you are up to.” when they can simply text “Bang.” It clearly makes matters simple, and often brings the recipient to recall the last time they heard “Bang,” and the social exchange that accompanied it. Appropriate at most any time of the day, it evokes a specially feeling within anyone who receives it and can understand its meaning.
Another text message “Bang” is of post-text-message exchange variety. Very similar to the exclamation bang (see above) it typically indicates finalness and closure.
5. Slow and Singular
Pioneered and perfected by the Dizzle, the Slow and Singular “Bang” usually is a sneak attack from a position of poor visibility for the bangee, and evokes a feeling of reassurance and mystery all at once. Just as the sound of wind blowing through the trees on a cool autumn day conjures mental clarity, or the beat of The Fixxers hit “Can you Werk wit Dat” brings back recollection of countless obliterated Sundays on the Bizzle aboard the Riverra Boozer, the “Slow and Singular ‘Bang'” brings you to a place of friends, good times and a Miller Lite or two (or ten).
Although anyone who is unaware of Monday Night Wings (dot com) will undoubtly lack understanding of the meaning and use of “Bang Bang,” those who do, know its usefulness and greatness. When used in a professional workplace (ATT wireless does not qualify as such), one will be met with confused faces, possibly a laugh, and a general feeling of other viewing you as a moron. When used in outlying social settings, often people will act as if you have not said anything at all, acting as if you have not in fact added “Bang Bang” into your conversation, perhaps in fear of insulting you in the event you suffer from turrets.
Therefore, we as the chosen few, live our lives day-to-day in the enlightenment of “Bang Bang,” to not only promote naked drunkenness, but for the comradery and sense of place that it evokes. To any newcomers to the culture of “Bang,” I say drink up. To the aged users and pioneers, I say keep on keepin on, because when it comes down to it, there are few single words in the English language that have the power and overall greatness of that which is formally known as“Bang Bang”.
Bang.
Sincerly,
Pauling

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One Response
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Phat Matt Says:
March 24th, 2008 at 5:12 pmTo some perspective on the magnitude of bang!, the only other word that I an think of in the english language that has similar effect and versatility is fuck.
BANG!!
Sep
27
Field Trip!
The First Ever Monday Night Wings Field Trip!
Details to Follow. Fun will be ruined for all who dare to skip wings for female companionship..!

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Sep
24
Top Ten Reasons
Why Monday nights eat a bag of dog shit in North Carolina.
10. Anyone under 30 goes to Wake Forest University (read: major douche).
9. The cheapest wings in town are $0.35 and taste like fucking vomit on a bone.
8. The beer is not free and is usually served with shitty service.
7. The bartenders casino games have beating sticks for those who race around the bar.
6. None of the servers are good looking (see: Sally”s hot staff for example).
5. Buck Hunter an Olympic sport, with real guns.
4. There is no popcorn to be found, free or otherwise, to throw.
3. Cameron does not work here.
2. Napkins are used to wipe hands and faces.
1. A goddamn decent wing is 1,200 miles away.

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Sep
5
Adventures In Eating – State Fair
Consumed in one day at the State Fair:
Pork Chop on a Stick
Large Fries
Pronto Pup
Mini Donuts
Root Beet Float
Pickle on a Stick
Turkey Leg
Snow Cone
Pickle Dog
Another Snow Cone
Brat
Cheese Curds
Corn on the Cob
Beers
Another Pronto Pup
Foot Long Hot Dog

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April 1st, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Tim Geiser aka HeymanHeymanHeyman is the finest American America will ever call its own. Living outside of America only furthers my point.